Do You Observe, Really — or Are You Just Projecting Yourself onto the World?

I once took a business class where one of the mentors asked a simple question:

“Do you ever go to a café or a restaurant alone?”

Out of the whole room, I was the only one who raised my hand.

He smiled and said: “Of course. Actress.” Then he added something that stayed with me:“This is also an excellent business skill.”

At first glance, acting and business don’t seem to have much in common. But they meet in one crucial place: observation.

If you know how to observe people — how they speak, hesitate, desire, avoid, repeat — you learn everything. You learn what they want. You learn how they think. You learn how to communicate with them. And yes, as an actress, this is my daily practice. But it’s also a life practice.

The question is not whether we observe. The real question is how.

When you sit in a café and watch people, what is happening inside you?

Are you judging? Comparing? Projecting your own frustrations, fears, needs, or ambitions onto what you see?

Or are you simply curious?

There is a huge difference between observing to confirm what you already believe and observing to learn something new.

Very often, we don’t really see others — we see ourselves reflected back at us. Our inner state becomes a filter through which the world passes. When we are anxious, everything feels threatening. When we are frustrated, people appear incompetent or annoying. When we feel unseen, everyone else looks selfish.

That’s not observation. That’s projection.

As children, we were masters of true observation. We watched the world with open eyes and open minds. We learned how to exist by watching others exist. We copied, experimented, and adjusted. Curiosity was our natural state.

Somewhere along the way, we lost that.

As adults, our minds are full. To-do lists. Survival. Responsibilities. Phones. We sit in cafés scrolling instead of seeing. Even when we look up, half the people around us are also looking down. The collective field of observation has become thinner, flatter, and less alive.

And with that, we’re losing something precious: new ideas.

Some of the best ideas don’t come from thinking harder — they come from watching better. From sitting still. From letting the world surprise you. From noticing how people really behave when they think no one is watching.

For actors, this is obvious: characters live in the details. For business people, it’s strategic: understanding humans is everything.

Observation without curiosity becomes judgment. Observation without presence becomes projection.

So next time you sit alone somewhere, try this: Leave the phone. Notice not just others — but what you bring into the seeing.

Because the way you observe the world tells you a lot about the state of your inner one.